I started at the music school in 2012 after leaving my home for the very first time. After the first semester which was basically all mandatory theology classes, I was finally assessed as a musician and was instantly told I was amazing. I don’t have false humility. I know I’m a good musician. But things got interesting after that. I was placed on a student worship team and everyone was nice and supportive and very gracious with compliments and what not. My coach, who was a well known worship leader in the prayer room at the time, even asked if I could fill in for a set in THE prayer room. Normally you have to audition, but they told me I was good enough to skip that. Then at the end of the year, I was told about the new student “service teams” that were normally only to be offered to juniors and seniors, but since I was seen as valuable for my talents they offered me a position on one for my sophomore year. These teams were basically like the normal student teams but could play at the global prayer room and do more special stuff because of how talented we were. I was being built up a LOT because of my musical giftings. I went on to serve on the next two service teams my junior and senior years. I was also randomly subbing in the prayer room on various teams and was constantly told how good I was and how any team would be lucky to have me. Well, fast forward to the year after I graduated and I started to take the fundraising class to be in staff full time as a musician. This alone felt like a full time job just to make preparations and go on a fundraising trip to make enough money every month to be a full time musician. After months of planning and meeting with people, I had raised my support. I get back to Kansas City ready to join a team and fill in wherever I was needed. I tried my best to join teams, but all positions were filled. No big deal. These were all great musicians and I held nothing against them. The problem came whenever I DID have an opportunity to join a team. I played a couple of sets for another very well known worship leader. They did not go well. I was not given any direction during the set. I played how I always did. But I felt the disappointment from the leader very strongly. They never told me yes or no in terms of joining the team. Instead they would openly talk about other musicians they wanted to try out while I was still in the debriefing room with them. I wasn’t told what I did wrong or why I wasn’t good enough of the sudden. I never did end up joining any teams since me and my spouse ended up moving to a different state shortly after this. On top of that, when we were about to leave IHOPKC forever, we had a worship team meeting (these were pretty regular and it involved every full time musician on the various worship teams) where everyone was going around saying what they loved about my spouse and what they had given to the prayer movement for the past several years. They absolutely deserved this and I have no bitterness in my heart for the praise they received. But not a SINGLE word was spoken to me or about me. I had given 6 years of my life to this place. Told how exceptional I was and how I was a cut above so many others in my talents because I was a young vulnerable student whose talents could be exploited. Then when it came time for me to be fully utilized, I was suddenly seen as lesser because I didn’t fit a certain mold or standard set by so many of the IHOPKC worship leaders. Then I left without really anyone giving any kind of thanks for my time there. I don’t know if most people even know I’m gone. Its significantly less severe than the sexual abuse allegations that started all this, but I also do feel I was used and abused by IHOPKC in a different way. I was built up as a student and told I was valued. But I was actually just being exploited for my talents and then when other better or flashier musicians came along, I was tossed aside and forgotten. The work God did in my life there was real, but my relationship with IHOPKC and the people there was not.
- FMA Graduate/Musician Staff2012-2018