I attended ihopu from 2014-2018 and graduated with my FSM degree. I joined staff for the next 3 years and stayed in the community for another year after leaving staff. During my time in ihopu a female leader in the school pursued friendship with me on the grounds of “discipleship” she was 34, I was 19. Over the time of a I moved into her house. During that time she would Come in my room at night and ask for comfort. It became months of extreme Control over my relationships, schedule, etc. When leadership found out about the extent of what was happening in the home - I move out. And was told “if you speak with her again you will be expelled.” She was allowed to stay on staff - I was never pastored or asked “what’s your side of the story” - never had any follow up meetings. While on staff her behavior repeated to other students. I went into intense depression, anxiety, etc. I was suicidal for 2 years. I did the programs and thought something was wrong with me and that I was going crazy. Other staff would tell me “you just need to forgive. Stop being so offended.” Which looking back only Re traumatized me. I was forced to see my abuser regularly and I was the “crazy one” Leaving ihop was incredibly painful. I lost friends, mentors, and got regularly asked “are you still on fire for god or??” “Are you still pursing god with the same intensity or?” The questioning and judgement was so exhausted and I couldn’t “pretend” any longer. My biggest regret is any of the people in my care who I wounded with the same terrible theology and forced submission to abusive systems and people
- IHOPU graduate / staff2014-2021